Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is one of Canada’s most common personality disorders. So what is borderline personality disorder? It often comes with an intense fear of abandonment and a poor self-image. People who suffer from this disorder feel a lot of emotional anguish. They may crave close relationships but push others away due to their intense abandonment anxiety. Many people do not know that there are 4 types of borderline personality disorder. The different subtypes vary by symptoms. Understanding these different subtypes helps experts better treat individuals with BPD. Do you or a loved one have BPD? It can help to understand the various subtypes and the 11 hidden signs of quiet borderline personality disorder. We want to help you do just that with this guide, so keep reading to learn more.
What Are the 4 Types of Borderline Personality Disorder?
The 4 types of borderline personality disorder are:
- Discouraged
- Impulsive
- Petulant
- Self-destructive
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM) does not recognize these subtypes as clinical diagnoses. However, mental health professionals find them useful for understanding BPD symptoms.
We discuss each of these subtypes and their characteristic symptoms next.
Discouraged BPD
People with discouraged BPD commonly have the following symptoms:
- Extreme dependency
- Feelings of helplessness
- Passive communication styles and behaviours
These individuals may develop close bonds but have a lot of anxiety about those relationships. They may constantly fear abandonment. Others may describe them as clingy or submissive.
Depression is also a symptom of discouraged BPD. When alone or fearing abandonment, these individuals may be prone to self-harm.
Impulsive BPD
Impulsive BPD often features these symptoms:
- Rash decision making
- An unstable lifestyle
- Reckless behaviours
Someone might describe a person with the impulsive subtype as energetic and charismatic. They may be unpredictable and take part in risky activities. They often present with positive emotions and engaging personalities.
However, this BPD subtype shares much in common with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). These individuals crave attention from others. When they do not receive it, they may withdraw, feel depressed, or both.
Petulant BPD
Petulant BPD usually comes with the following three symptoms:
- Irritability
- Anger
- Impatience
This type is almost the opposite of the impulsive subtype. People may describe people with this subtype as negative, moody, or even aggressive. They may also seem demanding and resentful of support.
This subtype may have the most difficulty with interpersonal relationships. They have an anxious/avoidant style wherein they do not feel content with others or alone.
Self-Destructive BPD
The symptoms of self-destructive BPD include:
- Resentfulness toward others
- Self-hatred
- Self-harm and suicide attempts
Someone with self-destructive BPD may be described as a people-pleaser or perfectionist. They may seem normal on the outside at times. They may feel resentful toward others, but they turn it inward on themselves.
This subtype is also similar to NPD, especially vulnerable NPD. Individuals with self-destructive BPD may work hard to impress other people. Their abandonment anxiety activates when people do not appreciate their efforts.
What Is Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder?
Quiet borderline personality disorder is another proposed subtype of BPD. It is similar to self-destructive BPD in that it can be hard to recognize. High-functioning BPD is another name for this subtype.
People with this subtype often turn their symptoms inward. For example, someone with quiet BPD may not showcase the fits of rage characteristic of other subtypes. Instead, they may turn that rage inward on themselves.
Some signs and symptoms to look out for that may indicate quiet BPD include:
- Unhealthy boundaries
- Passive aggression
- Existential angst
- Extreme internal criticism
- Idealization and devaluation of others and the self
- Derealization and depersonalization
- People pleasing to a problematic extent
- Emotional suppression
- Avoidance and self-isolation
- Self-harm and suicidal ideation
- Difficulty reading others’ emotions
- Fear of being alone
- Self-sabotage
Quiet BPD also shares many symptoms in common with traditional BPD. These include unstable relationships, mood swings, fear of abandonment, and lack of a consistent self-image.
11 Hidden Signs of Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder
People with quiet BPD may not feel the need to seek help. Their work lives and even personal lives may appear normal and healthy from the outside. Yet, this subtype can cause a lot of emotional turmoil.
Look out for the following signs that could mean a loved one is struggling with this disorder. They experience:
- intense mood swings that can be difficult to notice
- tendency to immediately blame themselves after a conflict
- severe feelings of guilt and shame, often for no reason
- a feeling of obsession with people and wanting to spend all their time with them
- a preference to end a relationship instead of trying to work through a problem
- “out of body” experiences
- suppression of their emotions
- withdrawal when feeling negative emotions (e.g., sadness, fear, anger)
- feeling powerless, vulnerable, or like they are a burden to others
- being extremely triggered by rejection, criticism, or abandonment
- their sense of self disappear during times of intense stress
Leaving these symptoms untreated can lead to complications. For example, people with BPD are prone to self-medicating with substances. Yet, this behaviour may lead to a substance use disorder or worsen BPD symptoms.
Borderline Personality Disorder Treatment Options
Medication and therapy are the most common treatments for BPD. Health Canada has not approved a drug for treating borderline personality disorder itself. However, some drugs help with secondary symptoms (e.g., depression).
The most common types of therapies that can work for BPD are dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) and cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT).
DBT teaches individuals mindfulness tools to help cope with BPD triggers. With these tools, clients can learn how to deal with stress, interpersonal issues, and emotions healthily.
CBT is similar. It teaches clients how to recognize unhealthy patterns in their thoughts and behaviours. The goal is to change those unhealthy patterns to help clients better deal with triggering situations.
Saying No to Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder
Saying no to someone with borderline personality disorder can cause rifts in the relationship. They may feel rejected or abandoned. Then, this may begin the devaluing stage of the relationship.
Fear of hurting a loved one with BPD can lead people to become enablers. They may say yes to the person’s every whim, even when it puts their loved one or themself at risk.
The most important thing to remember when saying no to someone with BPD is to be respectful. Validate how they are feeling while also expressing your own feelings. Clear communication can de-escalate the situation.
If the person has a history of fits of rage, take some time to cool off and let them cool off, too. Communicate when you will return to the discussion. That way, the person with BPD will not feel abandoned or rejected.
Once it is time to return to the conversation, do not be afraid to let the other person know the impact of their behaviours. Be firm and clear while also having empathy for what the person with BPD is going through.
How to Detach From Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder
Learning how to detach from someone with borderline personality disorder may become necessary in certain cases. For example, if the person is a harm to themselves or others, it may be time to leave the relationship.
When this happens, the first step is to be gentle but set firm boundaries. Tell the person with BPD how their behaviour has impacted you. Then, if they are calm and willing to listen, tell them you intend to detach from the relationship.
A clean exit may not be possible in some cases. If this occurs, going low- or no-contact may be the best option. Otherwise, you may need professional assistance to improve or end the relationship.
Get Help for Borderline Personality Disorder in Ontario
The 4 types of borderline personality disorder include discouraged, impulsive, petulant, and self-destructive. Quiet BPD is similar to self-destructive BPD, but its symptoms can be more difficult to recognize and diagnose.
No matter what subtype of BPD someone has, there is hope. Therapy can help these individuals cope with their symptoms and form healthier, closer bonds with others. That way, loved ones do not have to detach from the relationship.
Are you or a loved one searching for borderline personality disorder treatment in Ontario? Simcoe Addiction and Mental Health offers inpatient and outpatient programs for individuals with this severe mental health disorder.
Contact Simcoe to learn more about our programs and get the help you need.